Our Seven Key Priorities and How They Change In Importance Over Time

When we were thirty, we thought we were ten feet tall and invincible. Our drive, energy, and enthusiasm for life was the fuel that drove us forward. Obstacles were those annoying things we swatted away like mosquitoes—we were wired to achieve our dreams.

For many midlifers who prospered through the halcyon years of the ’60s, ’70s and ’80s, time was an expendable commodity they gambled away for career advancement, pay raises, and peer recognition. It was a different time, a time when we sacrificed sleep, personal health, time with our children, even our family vacations for the “almighty dollar” that allowed us to build and accumulate wealth.

We revelled in the material benefits that came with this success, and many of us were able to ride that wave of inflation to build wealth faster than any generation before us. And then, we encountered that dreaded midlife blip.…While this topic is a book unto itself and has been thoroughly dissected and analyzed by other authors, suffice it to say, for many us, this period of upheaval did much to reshape our perspective on what was truly important after all.

Money, investments (including a home), an upwardly mobile career, peer recognition, and celebrating with friends and family had been our key priorities from our early twenties to our early fifties, but then something changed. Suddenly, stuff began to happen to and around us that challenged that sense of invincibility and caused us to question our priorities in life.

1. Mindset
Previously, “mindset” which is simply whether we see the world around us as a glass half-full or a glass half-empty had appeared further down the priority list. However, based on many more conversations since our first book - (THE BOOK ON DOWNSIZING - SEVEN STEPS TO RIGHTSIZE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE), mindset has now moved to become #1…the single most important priority across all generations. Although stuff continuously happens on our journey through life, it’s how we choose to respond to what happens to us and around us each day that determines our quality of life ahead. As a result, we discover that, above all else, our mindset truly defines the quality of life we allow ourselves to treasure, savour, and experience.

2. Health
As the need to reassess became inevitable, redefining our future was daunting for many due to the choices made during this thirty-year period-between their twenties and their fifties. In The Book on Downsizing: 7 Steps to Rightsize the Rest of Your Life, we discuss how the priorities of baby boomers began shifting at around age fifty and health became increasingly important, particularly for those of us who may not have made healthy lifestyle choices along the way.

3. Relationships
Next in importance after health was almost unanimously “relationship,” and while some called it family, for many midlifers, it was their connection with their life partners. When we asked people why, it became clear that being able to celebrate their shared journey to this point in life and the opportunity to grow old with the one person who had seen them through the good and the not-so-good stages of life was priceless.

As more and more couples are dissolving their decades-old relationships, and many of these folks are choosing to go it alone, we see a new era of independent singles. These people are reinventing themselves, their expectations, and their future lifestyle plans. Whether it was their choice or not, they’ve moved on, and going forward, they are making choices about how to live and with whom. But more on this later in the book.…

4. Time
Of all that midlifers value, the most finite and fleeting is clearly time. Although it means different things to each of us, most wish for more of it. Some may be struggling with corporate cost-cutting at work. While the good news may be that we get to keep our jobs, the bad news is that a co-worker has been let go and we just gave up any free time we had previously to take on their workload. 

We may continue to get a paycheck.…However, it might come at the expense of our quality of life and perhaps our health, as well. For any number of reasons, many feel powerless to quit. Some may have lived life “large” for too long and failed to plan ahead, while others are afraid of running out of time to top up the investments that will maintain their lifestyle if they
retire early

For those sitting in the surgeons office and hearing the words "there is nothing more we can do so you should go home and get your affairs in order", time just became the most precious commodity on the planet and there will just not be enough of it to left to do and say all the things have been left for another time. 

5. Finances and Money
Although we expected finances and money to come up sooner, surprisingly, this turned out to be #5 on the priority list of most midlifers when evaluated in the context of health, relationships, time, and mindset. While money isn’t everything, life without it can be challenging. However, having said that, some of the happiest people in the world live in some of the poorest regions.
How can that be? Perhaps it’s the realization that wealth and happiness do not go hand-in-hand. Instead, money is an enabler that allows us to do more with the abilities and talents we have…but only when it is congruent with those integral values of honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, and our work ethic.


6. Our Bucket Lists—Dream About It or Do It!
As teenagers, we are blessed with an abundance of hopes, dreams, and aspirations for our lives. The advantage of youth is the ability to see the horizon without all of the obstacles in the way. Then, as we went through our twenties and thirties, we slowly tucked many of those amazing possibilities away…as impossible, impractical, or unaffordable. Our bucket list is the process of exhuming all those aspirations and allowing ourselves to revisit them, write them down, and, in light of our lives experience, give ourselves the opportunity to dream again. Some dreams will still be a burning passion, while others, not so much. But the spice of life may be giving ourselves permission to live some of those adventures today or soon.…


7. Legacy—How Will You Be Remembered?
What is the greatest gift we can leave behind for those who follow when we’ve departed this life? When we asked this question, the answers included the usual: money; property; my vintage car; my grandmother’s fine china; memories of time spent together; family traditions we created or carried on; heartfelt conversations in times of trouble; or our ability to solve problems, diffuse arguments, or bring reason to irrational situations.

Sometimes, there will be less complimentary memories and stories about “the time when…” but as we cannot roll back time, we can only apologize and ask for forgiveness, so the memory is of a contrite person who made a mistake. What’s been said cannot be unsaid; what’s been seen cannot be unseen.…There’s no putting the genie back in the bottle again. Perhaps, the legacy we can leave is acceptance of our shortcomings and a willingness to be open and forthright…when we were wrong. All of her life, Robert’s mother suffered from what was diagnosed as cluster headaches, but she never complained. She is remembered for her quiet courage and optimism, in spite of what she endured. The time we spend as good listeners, with those less fortunate or struggling with addictions, showing understanding and patience with a rebellious teen, or sitting quietly doing puzzles with your grandchild can never be underestimated.

How will you be remembered? By being aware of the fact that no matter what is past, there is still time to model the memory you will leave behind… starting today.

Being True to Our Priorities and What’s Important to Us

Completing our own personal lifestyle assessment is crucial to determining our priorities. Sadly, we probably know people who have spent much of their lives doing things they truly disliked. And whether out of duty, misplaced loyalty, stubbornness, or guilt, they are still angry with themselves or with those they believed they were doing it for.

Did they truly not know who, what, or where they wanted to be? Did they feel paralyzed and incapable of changing the course of their lives ahead? Or was it a choice (whether conscious or unconscious) to stay stuck?

Without taking inventory of our lives and without the questions that help us reawaken those expectations, aspirations, and dreams that once burned so brightly within, we are seldom able to rekindle the inner spirit. While the truth is that it’s never too late, only by committing to rediscover the real “I” within are we able to once again pry open that elusive door to new beginnings.